One Year Anniversary

Today marks the sad one year anniversary of Pat's passing.  It was such a tragic experience and I know everyone still misses her as much today as last year at this time.  Maybe even more so.  I think about her all time and wish I could tell her what Enzo is doing and how great he is.  She loved to hear any little detail no matter how mundane.  For months after her death, Enzo would do something noteworthy and my first reaction was to call or email her right away.  I also want to tell her about the house we bought and all our plans to make it our own special space in this fantastic forest.  She once told me she didn't understand why someone would buy a house in Bonny Doon that didn't have an ocean view, but I'm confident she would have loved our house and land.  She would marvel at all the sequoias and fruit trees and would be impressed with what I do with their bounty.  I miss her gentle yet effective influence on Jake for my behalf when Jake misbehaved.  Every time I see clam chowder on a menu I think of her because she would always order it if it was there.  I would always laugh whenever she told me she didn't like a particular food, like marzipan, then would eat it without knowing and love it.  I miss her excellent and thoughtful gifts.  I'm glad to have her handmade toddler clothes and the quilt she and my mom made for Enzo is an amazing piece of art.  There is so much that reminds me of her and so much more about her I'm not writing about.  It would be impossible to mention something about all the lives she's touched and things she's done.

She told me many many years ago (before Jake and I were even thinking about getting married) that her greatest fear in life was to die without having a grandchild.  With great relief she lived many years beyond her prognosis and was there every step of the way at Enzo's birth.  I feel honored that Jake and I were able to make one of her greatest wishes come true.

So these are my experiences and thoughts about Pat.  It was hard to write this because I'm sobbing through it, but I wanted to get some of my thoughts down for posterity.  Today we took her ashes to the beach in Davenport and stopped for pastries at a bakery she liked on the way home.  Two new flowers in our yard bloomed today - some kind of crazy looking wild pink poppy and a blue hydrangea.  There was a meteor shower last night. Maybe that means something, maybe it doesn't.  But I'd like to think she's thinking about is too.